Soundtrack of the Moment: [obviously]
As I sit here in London Heathrow Airport… waiting to board my Virgin and head back to reality, I feel like I need to share what I’ve learned over the last month as a stranger in a strange land.
— Anybody that believes/says that “The greatest pleasure in life is doing what others say you can not do” has never had sex with Czech international supermodel.
— The rest of the world doesn’t hate Americans… as long as you don’t act like an American. Doing your research before and attempting to learn about their culture/way of life separates you from the stereotypical American that is just there to be an asshole. Except in England. British people really do hate our guts.
— Semen is a delicacy in Budapest… Hungary, I am not.
— French men really do smell like a bag of ass.
— Not all countries received the memo about personal manicured lawns.
— The drinking age in the United States should remain at 21. This is a controversial one, I know… but going to Europe and picking up a girl only to find out she’s 15 is both humbling, and awesome. At least with the 21 limit, we can still be assured that the girl is 17 or 18.
— Going nude is an excellent business plan.
— Porn recruiters pay well on cruise ships when they are in a bind.
— There are only two places in the world that sausage is done correctly. The UK and the US. And once you’ve had bangers and mash, the US is a far cry from real sausage. But god help the awful “sausages” in Europe that are actually uncooked cocktail weiners. Disgusting.
— I have a large penis on an international scale.
— Peeing outside is neither weird nor illegal. In fact, it’s encouraged.
— McDonald’s and college completely ruined American girls.
— Anal ain’t bad. Ain’t bad at all.
— I’m officially a minority in London, UK.
— The Baltic States are genetically superior.
— I really do love and miss my Apple MacBook Pro.
Flags Accumulated: Canada, Czech Republic, Hungary, Latvia, Poland.
Money Spent: $1215
Miles Traveled (roughly — because its more for sure with inter-city transport and walking around): 10,726
Bag Weight (start): 49.7 lbs (22.5 kg)
Bag Weight (end): 34.4 lbs (15.6 kg)
McToast eaten: 3
Condoms (start): 31
Condoms (end): 17
Hope you’ve had as much fun reading as I did doing, scheming, writing, etc. I’ll see you on the other side…
Well I’ve made it to the culmination of the tour de force.
Out my hotel window is the River Thames… in my pocket is the Oyster Card… at will-call are my tickets to Aston Villa v. WBA and QPR v. Chelsea… plans also on the horizon for maybe some Bears/Bucs action after the QPR/Chelsea game (Loftus Road is 3 miles from Wembley Stadium).
But before I go on my excursion today, tomorrow and Monday, I simply have to report my findings getting to here.
Because, well, they sucked.
I’m on my way to Merry Ol’. The trip is winding down… almost back to reality.
Adjö vackra blondiner.
The sad part is that Stockholm wasn’t very conducive to seeing the town. I learned a hard lesson while here, Stockholm simply isn’t a place to be in late October — and probably November, December, January, February and March.
All quantities are at 11:59 pm of day mentioned. Trip is September 22nd-October 24th.
Day 1 (Newark, NJ)– Thursday, September 22, 2011: $3300 USD, 31 condoms, 9 cities to visit
Day 5 (Budapest, Hungary) — Monday, September 26, 2011: $3200 USD, 17 Czech Koruna (CZK), 28 condoms, 8 cities to visit, Flags: Czech Republic
Day 6 (Budapest, Hungary) — Tuesday, September 27, 2011: $3100 USD, 17 Czech Koruna (CZK), 17870 Hungarian Forint (HUF), 28 condoms, 8 cities to visit, Flags, Czech Republic
Day 8 (Budapest, Hungary) — Thursday, September 29, 2011: $3100 USD, 17 Czech Koruna (CZK), 6985 Hungarian Forint (HUF), 25 condoms, 8 cities to visit, Flags: Czech Republic, Canada, Hungary
Day ??? [Whatever Oct. 20 is from Sept. 22] (Stockholm, Sweden) — Thursday, October 20, 2011: $2100 USD, 17 Czech Koruna (CZK), 290 Swedish Krona (SEK), 18 condoms, 1.5 cities to visit, Flags: Czech Republic, Canada, Hungary, Latvia
Disclaimer: This will be a feature that will continue throughout the length of my stays in places. Since literally every place as a walking tour/tourist guide, I am morphing that idea into things about the city that you really want to see. I figure that since I’m a pretty good gauge on what people are into and whatnot, this would be a good way to do an unbiased infomercial on a city that perhaps you haven’t seen and would like to know about. I will not pull punches, if I liked a place — I’ll sing its praises. If I hated, I’ll tear it the biggest asshole on the planet. Because I know assholes: I am one.
Take these as you will because I’m speaking only from my perspective. And remember: opinions are like assholes, everybody has one and only mine matters.
Tallink Silja Cruise Line from Tallinn to Stockholm
One-word definition: Piss