Throughout my travels, I’ve noticed two recurring themes: justification and addiction.
Or more tersely, an unbridled need to be important. Which 99.9% of people aren’t… let’s be honest.
It is almost comical to travel around the world and see a lot of the same stuff you would see in the United States, but still uniquely foreign. It’s like when John Travolta went on that strangely coherent diatribe about things being the same in Europe, with just some little differences, to Samuel L. in Pulp Fiction.
For those that forget the scene — indulge:
Now, again, I’m not a drug cartel so I really have no clue about what is possible in the US regarding weed. Mainly because I don’t “have glaucoma”. But Travolta’s take (and Tarantino’s verbiage) about McDonald’s is 100% dead on balls accurate.
But even the slight differences have similarities…
The main similarity is that apparently nowadays the entire world has become transfixed on technology. Normally I would say that this is a good thing, but relationships and interaction has become so fleeting that the only marriages that seem to work are those with our cell phones, tablets and laptops. That is, of course, unless the Blackberry network fails, then we’re suddenly rendered comatose. Canadians never were very good under pressure.
The next similarity is antisocial behavior.
It is uncanny. People all around me — and I guess I’m one of them because I’m the one typing away on my keyboard in the airport — are talking, texting, sharing, whatevering away on their little smartphones, and desperately trying to remain relevant and important. Wherever I go, there it is. Heathrow Airport, Budapest train station, Auschwitz, Old Town Square Prague, wherever… it is people from all walks of life just staring at their fucking phones. And don’t even get me started about when the iPhone 4S dropped. I looked at my Facebook wall and the iGasm was in full force. My Facebook was all about people buying it or waiting in line for it. Pictures, status updates, videos… how retarded have we as a society become?
Now don’t get me wrong, I love Apple… and I think that Steve Jobs was a genius. Possibly the greatest mind of our time. The Einstein of our generation. And I too put up a clever status update, which many people stole and acted like they came up with it — iSad. Sent from my iPhone — when he passed away.
But the truth is, I don’t have an iPhone. I have never had an iPhone. I have a piece of shit LG envTouch that sucks more than the Miami Dolphins. And, in some small way I’m proud of that fact. Because I hardly use it. Because it’s a stupid little thing that in the big picture of life, means nothing.
So, with that said, imagine my surprise when I was hanging out with Kaiser Chiefs at Riga, Latvia airport and we were all just sitting and talking. It was actually refreshing 25 minutes to speak to people, big famous rockstars or not, that were not constantly checking their phone.
In fact, as I write this, there are four groups in my general viewing area that have five or more people in them and yet there is no dialogue. Each one is sitting there on their iPod and texting on their phone.
This is why I turned off my link to the world since September 22, 2011. Sure, I had a computer and I did use Facebook and Skype to stay in touch, but I purposely left my pacifier (phone) and my binky (Apple MacBook Pro) at home. Instead, I had my Dell from college which sucks more cock than Linda Lovelace. It can’t do any of the stuff that my binky can. And the stuff it can do is slower than old people fucking. Which is why I was only ever on it to update this here blog and Skype with my mom about all the stuff I was doing.
The rest of the time, I was out seeing/doing the world. Not playing Angry Birds or Yelping about the new sushi restaurant in Utica, New York. Because I’m not lame like those that do that shit. And take a look in the mirror people. That person is, unequivocally, you. Because it is all of us. I wonder what it is like to have absolutely no independence and free thought. Everybody now relies on something else for knowledge and content. It’s like working with the retards at the Ivy League office 24/7 — and I hated doing that for 8 hours per day, let alone 24-7-365.
And I will update you as soon as I get home to just how insignificant I am when I get home and fire up that phone to see just who — without me imposing my will to get their viewpoint with numerous texts and/or calls — actually took the time to contact me.
I’m putting the official over/under at 15 texts and 2 phone calls. And I’ll be willing to take the under on both accounts. And I’ve been out of the country for over a month. Because just like those 99.9% of the world, I’m just as insignificant as you. Now when I get home, I will join the iPhone 4S generation, but only because myPhone is clearly malfunctioning (since people aren’t texting me all of the time).
Truth is, I just want one so I can be cooler. To fit in.
So I’m issuing you all a challenge. Turn yourself off to the world (like I did). Engage in one another again (like I did) — not with a piece of metal and plastic. Start with an hour (like I did), work up to a day (like I did)… a week (like I did)… a month (like I did). Think you could do it (like I did)?
I bet you’d last about 20 minutes. Tops.
So, instead, do something useful and follow me on Twitter here.