What I’ve Learned (and Some Mythbusters)

As I sit here in London Heathrow Airport… waiting to board my Virgin and head back to reality, I feel like I need to share what I’ve learned over the last month as a stranger in a strange land.

Lessons Learned

— Anybody that believes/says that “The greatest pleasure in life is doing what others say you can not do” has never had sex with Czech international supermodel.

— The rest of the world doesn’t hate Americans… as long as you don’t act like an American. Doing your research before and attempting to learn about their culture/way of life separates you from the stereotypical American that is just there to be an asshole. Except in England. British people really do hate our guts.

— Semen is a delicacy in Budapest… Hungary, I am not.

— French men really do smell like a bag of ass.

— Not all countries received the memo about personal manicured lawns.

— The drinking age in the United States should remain at 21. This is a controversial one, I know… but going to Europe and picking up a girl only to find out she’s 15 is both humbling, and awesome. At least with the 21 limit, we can still be assured that the girl is 17 or 18.

— Going nude is an excellent business plan.

— Porn recruiters pay well on cruise ships when they are in a bind.

— There are only two places in the world that sausage is done correctly. The UK and the US. And once you’ve had bangers and mash, the US is a far cry from real sausage. But god help the awful “sausages” in Europe that are actually uncooked cocktail weiners. Disgusting.

— I have a large penis on an international scale.

— Peeing outside is neither weird nor illegal. In fact, it’s encouraged.

— McDonald’s and college completely ruined American girls.

— Anal ain’t bad. Ain’t bad at all.

— I’m officially a minority in London, UK.

— The Baltic States are genetically superior.

— I really do love and miss my Apple MacBook Pro.

Flags Accumulated: Canada, Czech Republic, Hungary, Latvia, Poland.

Money Spent: $1215

Miles Traveled (roughly — because its more for sure with inter-city transport and walking around): 10,726

Bag Weight (start): 49.7 lbs (22.5 kg)

Bag Weight (end): 34.4 lbs (15.6 kg)

McToast eaten: 3

Condoms (start): 31

Condoms (end): 17

Hope you’ve had as much fun reading as I did doing, scheming, writing, etc. I’ll see you on the other side…

{By the way, I’ll need a job when I come home… so any assistance that you can provide in that regard would be fantastic… master’s degree, have resume, will travel…}

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