The following idea is an open-ended thread based on your suggestions on what I should do when I’m in Europe. I kinda blatantly ripped this idea from 1000 Places to See Before you Die… but it has the old Alex twist to it. You see, I think castles are stupid, old hotels are gay and that history smells like embalming fluid.
So, rather than do half of the shit in the book that lady writes about, I’ll be doing fun/funny stuff. Because you are only young once, and 31 isn’t even young. I know 31 year olds that have 5 kids already, and no hope of an actual life. My condolences. Should’ve listened in 10th grade health class.
I am requesting that you participate and provide me funny/interesting/vile/hilarious/ridiculous/complete-waste-of-time things to do. I’ll be traveling to London, Prague, Budapest, Brno, Krakow, Kiev, Riga, Tallinn and Stockholm. My Dad always said that seeing the world makes you understand more and matter less. That’s pretty deep shit. Which I plan to get into.
Without further adieu, here’s my bucket list thus far (and keep the suggestions coming).
1. Craven Cottage/Loftus Road — London
Yeah, I’m a footballing dork… and neither Fulham or Queens Park Rangers are teams that are worth a shit… but to get to see Everton and Chelsea in away matches is worth the price of admission. I wanted to go to Anfield but it doesn’t look feasible. Plus, I’m heading to London again in April — and the games will matter more then, so I’ll get to see my beloved Reds. Hopefully Gerrard will be back by then.
2. Gellert Bath Houses — Budapest
One time at Loon Mountain (N.H.), I went into the Men’s Locker Room, only to stare down the hairiest, scariest naked Hungarian man ever. He looked like a hirsute Jabba the Hut. I stood in sheer awe (read: disgust) as this man had so much fat and so much hair and so much ass hair, that you couldn’t see any penis. I was a preteen. It was disturbing. So naturally, I’m going to see fat hairy dudes again. Only I hope that there are women to look at. Word on the street is that Hungarian men are disgusting (truth) and the women are angels. We’ll see.
3. Osweicim (Auschwitz II/Birkenau) — Poland
This is a no-brainer. I have to see it for whatever morbid curiosity or educational value it provides. I don’t know what to expect and have zero preconceived notions. Knowing what I know about the Holocaust and my beliefs on the terrible atrocities that it represents, I will have an open mind. Because, unlike many people in the world — I have an open mind for everything… and back my own personal beliefs not through rumor or innuendo, but through knowledge and understanding.
4. Central Market — Riga
The people-watching is supposed to be divine. And the girls in Riga are supposed to be diviner. Plus the food is good from what I hear.
5. Spot the Minority — Tallinn
Apparently Tallinn is incredibly white (right on)… so I’ll play spot the minority for about an hour.
6. Street Art
Anybody that knows me knows that I can draw murals. I want to challenge a professional street artist.
7. Celeb Watching at Primrose Hill — London
There aren’t many celebs in London, but it’ll be worth a shot.
8. ABBA Karaoke — Stockholm
Because, well, why the fuck not?
9. Charles Bridge — Prague
I’m an architect buff so the Charles Bridge appeals to me. Plus its like a block from my apartment in Prague. And, word on the street is that its the pick-up artist’s dream.
10. Margaret Island — Budapest
Apparently it is beautiful. Again, we’ll see.
11. Spot the Caucasian — London
This one hurts, but it’ll be tough during the day.
12. Chernobyl Tour — Kiev
Because where else can you say you visited a nuclear disaster, amirite?
13. Hotellet — Stockholm
It is a bitchin’ bar in Stockholm, where I’ll break the bank.
14. Get smashed on Czech Beer — Czech Republic
15. State Opera — Budapest
This will probably surprise many — but the blood that runs through my veins is that of British blood. And in the hearts, minds and souls of Britons is the love affair for musical theater. And I will be tapping this in Budapest.
16. Oskar Schindler’s Factory — Krakow
Schindler’s List is one of the best movies ever. Period. So to see the real thing would be cool.
17. A Lech Poznan (Poland) game
Why? Just watch how up they get for an U-12 match. It’s unequivocal insanity. And its Polish football, I probably should be able to walk right up and get tickets. I’ll just pack my flares and flags and I should be ok. Or how about an U-9 game. Yeah, enough said.
18. Tower Bridge — London
Its the best bridge design in the world.
19. Museum of Communism — Prague
Truth is that I don’t know much about Communism, just that a bunch of kids from ice hockey towns effectively ended it in February 1980. But I’d like to learn about it. Plus, it’d be a good story.
20. The Red-light District — All towns
Because sex-tourism is alive and well. And because the trolls trollin’ around must be a sight to see. And dick fountains are pretty funny.
21. Freddie Mercury’s House — London
Just to see it.
22. Pleasure Cruise — Kiev
Because there’s a river and rather than look at it, be on it.
23. Prague Castle — Prague
Yeah, its a castle. But apparently it’s breathtaking. Yeah, you know it. We’ll see.
24. Piccadilly Circus — London
Do street peddling.
Give me some more things to do/see…
25. Go Gay in Earl’s Court — London
Thanks suggestion bank. According to an unnamed source of gayness, Earl’s Court is a beautiful day in the gayborhood. And apparently I should go “club bangin’ with the locals”. Sure, why not? Gays love me. And I’ll get a fashion sense lesson. [Also just in case I ever made myself suspect through any actions that I have done in my life — and you think I’m gay — let me set the record straight. I love the gays. But I sex the vaginas only. However, gays are a good time.]
26. Act Canadian
Eh? Yes. Aboot? Yes. Hockey? Molson Canadian? Avril Lavigne? Apathy? Politeness? Yes, yes, yes, yes and yes. But I need more insight on How to Act Like a Canadian. Oh, of course, eat more beaver. No problem there.