Fuck It List (Gaping Open Thread)


I did ask many of you to provide me ideas of things to do while in Europe, but I also asked about people to do also. Here are the results of who people I should seek out and/or bang while there. A sort of scavenger hunt, if you will.

You guys have been amazing with some of these suggestions. And, as promised, this thread shall remain open as long as people continue to send me gold. You have a legacy to uphold.

Behold… the fuck it list… [Obviously, I’m not going to get to all of these… unless it really is the best trip ever.]

You should see my Gryffindor.

J.K. Rowling

The women in Benny Hill’s videos

Anna Nicole Smith

Lucy Pinder

A midget

Petra Nemcova (not Petra but close enough for me to count it… and it had every bit of Petra, Nemcova and supermodel in the story so it’s going down as a take-down)

Petr Cech’s helmet

...then I shall let you live.

An attractive mentally-handicapable chick

A member of the Order of the British Empire

A survivor of the Holocaust

A former member of the KGB

A former member of the CCCP

A former member of the SS

One of the English WAGs

England's Breastest Fan

Jordan (Kelly Price) — because, who hasn’t, she’s like Little League, everybody gets a chance to hit.

Somebody that thinks I’m actually Cristiano Ronaldo

A red light district lady of the night

A Viking

Somebody that fans of Bangbus or Brazzers would recognize

A threesome

Hej grl!

Jaromir Jagr’s 1990-2000’s mullet

Elin Nordegren

Ivanka Trump

Victoria Zdrok

Somebody that thinks I’m actually Josh Beckett

A Mir astronaut’s daughter/niece/cousin/wife/etc.

Pippa’s padded royal arse

A maid

( o )( o )

Simona Halep’s assets before the surgery

A gnome

A vampire

A hostelite

A socialite

A widow

A recent break-up

An American

A cougar

My 1980s hairband fantasy

My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding cast member

A girl I met on the train (so damn close!)

Somebody that thinks I’m actually Batman

The St. Pauli Girl

Anything with a name that ends in -SKY

A member of the Swedish Bikini Team

An Expat

Anybody know CPR?

A past member of the Swedish Bikini Team

A failed X-Factor experiment

English girl

Czech girl

Hungarian girl

Polish girl

Ukrainian girl

Latvian girl

Estonian girl


A chick in a wheelchair

Tongue training: 1, 2, 3... lick

Annika Irmler

Swedish girl

Under-aging (Referencing this Chart)
15-18 in Czech
14-18 in Estonia
14-18 in Hungary
16-18 in Latvia
15-18 in Poland
15-18 in Sweden
16-18 in Ukraine
16-18 in UK

Lederhosen, yessir

Somebody that will let me wear these ->

Somebody that actually thinks I’m Van Wilder

Somebody that actually thinks I’ll take them to America to be married.

A minority

Somebody that actually thinks I’m not American, but an actual member of the country whose language I’m learning on the plane to their country.

Somebody that thinks I’m actually Sexy Rexy Sex Cannon Grossman

Classic Butterface... the Ali Peek -- WILBURRRRR! Horsetoothjackass

#Twinning is Winning

“Here is what I want you to do; I want you to smush Veronika Sykorova, Front Office Manager. That is a bucket list item i would like added.”

This (:01 — NSFW)

Or this (:54 — NSFW)

A butterface –>

A ginger

Tilda Swinton

A hirsute (I guess technically Budapest girl was)

“A female that is working a regular job at the time of the spectacle. I’d like to see you try and bang the flight attendant or train worker. Or McDonalds girl.”

Mile-High Club member

An Above-Average Girl From Liverpool

An American Ex-Pat

A Legend in the Industry

A Gator Girl (since the Gator Nation is apparently everywhere)

A fattie

A threesome with a Mom and her daughter [somebody that needs to remain nameless apparently watches way too much porn.]

Horny Hungarians

Andriy Shevchenko

*** Keep the suggestions coming, they’ve been awesome!


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