Disclaimer: This will be a feature that will continue throughout the length of my stays in places. Since literally every place as a walking tour/tourist guide, I am morphing that idea into things about the city that you really want to see. I figure that since I’m a pretty good gauge on what people are into and whatnot, this would be a good way to do an unbiased infomercial on a city that perhaps you haven’t seen and would like to know about. I will not pull punches, if I liked a place — I’ll sing its praises. If I hated, I’ll tear it the biggest asshole on the planet. Because I know assholes: I am one.
Take these as you will because I’m speaking only from my perspective. And remember: opinions are like assholes, everybody has one and only mine matters.
One-word definition: Gifted
Cleanliness of the city: Disney World
Quality of Girls: 11 out of 10 — Alright, I thought that Ukraine was the epitome of stunning and then I came to Riga back-to-back. And from what I’ve been told, going from Riga to Tallinn is more of the same. In every way Latvian girls stack up to Ukrainian girls. And apparently in every way Estonian girls stack up to Latvian girls.
It’s like the three pendants of worth that you have to get before you can wield the Master Sword in the Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past (the greatest game, um, ever? Yeah, ever). Kiev, Riga and Tallinn. Back-to-back-to-back 3-peat. It’s like the Triforce of Erection.
Likeliness of Hooking Up: 10 out of 10 — Riga was a hotbed. It literally smelled like sex there. Aromatic even. I hooked up with the front desk girl at my hotel for crying out loud. Women outnumber men in Riga — and the best part is that they are still as hot as any place you’ve ever been to. In the Baltic States, there are two things that I learned quickly. Girls look amazing and girls enjoy sex here.
If you have a pulse, you’re getting laid. If you have even a little bit of game — you are probably getting the hottest girl you’ve ever had. And she’s going to be smart and interesting too — so a win-win.
Language Barrier Level: 3 out of 10 — Amazingly, it is low. Girls in Latvia speak English. Every single girl I met spoke English (and well too). Riga is a college town in addition to being a haven for stunning women. So English is spoken. I had absolutely no trouble conversing with anybody here. And they are very friendly.
Receptiveness of Foreigners: 9 out of 10 — There are still scams in Riga, but they are very easy to avoid. The police here is the most respectful of any place that I’ve been thus far. The girls are very receptive. In many various positions too.
Cost-effectiveness: 7 out of 10 — Riga isn’t cheap but it’s still not on the level of anything over in the states. I still only spent $100 here, but it was a bit of a sticker shock as the dollar doesn’t stack up well against the Latvian Lat (LVL). I only got 51 Lats for $100 so I needed to be extra careful.
Safety and security: 8 out of 10 — Riga, despite the foreigner bar scams, was a welcome reprieve from Kiev and what took place there. Cabs are run by Air Baltic from the Airport at 10 LVL a run (20 roundtrip). I bought a RT ticket and was dropped off and picked up straight from my hotel. It was massively convenient. The cops were actually very respectful here, which surprised me. I was walking alone and a female cop approached me. She spoke Latvian and I thought she was asking me for my documents. I produced my passport and she was like “Oh, you are American. I actually said, ‘How are you doing this evening, sir?,’ not asking for your documents.” We actually chatted for about two minutes and she was very nice. It was a nice change.
How the Girls Are: 11 out of 10 — In my post about the Ukraine I famously quipped that I need to learn Russian and marry Ukrainian. Truth is that I AM going to learn Russian, but Latvian girls are super friendly and super educated. They are so down-to-Earth also, like in a do-you-realize-that-you-are-super-hot-and-probably-shouldn’t-have-to-talk-to-me-because-of-it way. But yet they are almost happy to do so. It’s lovely.
Best Chances of Meeting Girls: Well in my case, screwing up the booking was the key to meeting a pretty stellar and fun girl. However, the rule of thumb in Riga is that the best chances of meeting girls is to hit up the legendary nightlife in Old Town. You just have to be wary of the rip-off bars. But if you can avoid them you’ll be just fine (and the embassy calls them out). Bar I Love You was exceptional because it was just a great place to sit down and converse with others, but for pure eye candy, Essential is the locale. I don’t do clubs but after seeing the dimes that were flooding this place, I almost changed my tune.
Accommodations: 8.5 out of 10 — Cool hotel tucked away in Old Town that had an entire floor of apartments for the people that worked at the hotel. I stayed there because I screwed up my booking dates and didn’t have any other option. Turned out to be an amazing and memorable time staying with the girl at the front desk in her two-bedroom apartment.
Beer: INCOMPLETE out of 10 — Believe it or not, mainly because of the exchange paranoia, I did not drink any Latvian beer. Instead I went with the cheapest alcohol that Bar I Love You had.
Getting Your ‘Merica, Fuck Yeah! On — I didn’t see anything American, honestly.
Pros — The women. Say no more.
Cons — The smoking. Say no more.
My Riga Experience
I’m ready to buy a hostel. Does that say enough?
If you are a single male and you haven’t been to Riga, you are not truly living. But beware. Your life will change forever as a result of this. Girls everywhere. Hot girls. So you are either going to spoil yourself or I’d suggest staying away. It is tough to recover from (and won’t happen in the U.S.).