Truth in Advertising (kinda)

The Secret Garden Hostel (Krakow, Poland) boasts “comfortable beds and oversized pillows…”

"Well, I did ask for a room that slept four comfortably."

The rare *British/Romanian/Danish mix oversized pillows. Oh to be 19 foreverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

The secret? “Goat’s milk, very good for body,” apparently.

Drink up, A-cups.

[* — yes, I had her permission]

Other secret? She was the front desk girl that checked me in. No joke.

But let me tell you about this hostel — it fucking sucks. It’s an abomination. It is the asshole of hostels everywhere.

I’ll be booking something else as soon as I get up in the morning. If it wasn’t dark I’d be out searching right now. I hear everything! The floor creaks when people walk by — the door to my room might – MIGHT – be cut from a piece of plywood. The wifi sucks, the television doesn’t work and the bed isn’t comfortable at all. My bed in college — which for several months was a blow up mattress on the floor — was more comfortable then this shit.

Maybe I’m just a brat and need high thread counts and therapeutic/sleep number beds — but seriously fuck this. I’ll just tell Tits McGee that she has to hop on a bus to come get me — not just walk upstairs and around the corner when her shift at the 24 hour desk job is over.

Eh… and now I’m fearing what Kiev and Stockholm have in store (both are hostels). Auschwitz tomorrow, I think. Unless I decide to wait until Thursday. The only real saving grace — and why I would stay here is because I have a flight at 6 am on Friday… so I may just do Auschwitz tomorrow… sleep, and then just see Krakow all day Thursday, and just stay up and go right to the airport — it’d mean I only have to sleep here two nights instead of three. I’ll play it by ear.

But, yeah, hostels are for college kids, poor people and cheapskates. I’m officially none of the three. However, I was told that the Kiev Hostel and the Stockholm Hostel are like the best hostels in the world. So maybe I’ll give them a shot.

19th best hotel in Krakow though? Not fucking likely.

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One thought on “Truth in Advertising (kinda)

  1. […] probably well aware, I’ve been on a bit a dry spell. Krakow, Poland was nothing more than a hook up scene with balloontits and Ukraine was like the Champagne Room at the best strip club in the world, except you […]

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