I Just Had to Share

They are a bit salty, Chef...

Uh oh, another Hungarian food post.

This really isn’t anything more than a WTF-moment… but as I was walking in the square today, I noticed a little bookstore and decided to meander through it. I didn’t have my camera with me because it was more or less a food run… that went horribly wrong.

The place was a charming one. But displayed prominently in the “Főzés” — which I can only assume means Cooking were two books that damn near made my vomit up my entrails and recently devoured goulash. I ran back to my room and jumped on the Internet to see if it could save me having to go all the way back and throw up in my mouth some more.

Natural Harvest and Cooking with Balls.

Actually, let me give the full monty titles. Pay close attention:

Natural Harvest — a collection of semen-based recipes by Phil “Fotie” Photenhauer
The Testicle Cookbook | Cooking with Balls by Ljubomir R. Erovic

Now the semen one has all sorts of gags and Alex-commentary that can be associated with it… but I’ll let the author himself (probably a gay) describes the wonders of semen. Ladies, pay close attention here. This is for your benefit:

Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food. This book hopes to change that.

{BAHAHHAAHAHAHAH! *dying} The description continues:

Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen is in the kitchen. Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist! If you are a passionate cook and are not afraid to experiment with new ingredients — you will love this cook book!

{…and you can contact me here}

As for the Testiclay Cookbook, apparently, Serbia (which I am not in) just loves them some balls — and Ljubomir is the maestro of the ballsack. Hey, we all have our passions. He even apparently sponsors the World Testicle Cooking Championships — lovingly hanging out at BallCup.com. Go ahead, I know the curiosity is killing you.

And here you thought they were just ornamental. Shame on you. Budapest(ians? inites? s?) are so infatuated with balls, that there is a statue of a horse where people rub the testicles for good luck. You think I’m making this shit up? Oh, no. It’s true. Big beautiful brass horse balls… rub them. Why? The fuck do I know that for.

I wonder if the ladies lick them first, any ideas? I’m gonna go find out before this stay is over. What I am not going to do is eat anymore Hungarian food.

— today’s post is brought to you by the following sponsor…

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