Disclaimer: This will be a feature that will continue throughout the length of my stays in places. Since literally every place as a walking tour/tourist guide, I am morphing that idea into things about the city that you really want to see. I figure that since I’m a pretty good gauge on what people are into and whatnot, this would be a good way to do an unbiased infomercial on a city that perhaps you haven’t seen and would like to know about. I will not pull punches, if I liked a place — I’ll sing its praises. If I hated, I’ll tear it the biggest asshole on the planet. Because I know assholes: I am one.
Take these as you will because I’m speaking only from my perspective. And remember: opinions are like assholes, everybody has one and only mine matters.
Prague (Praha), Czech Republic
One-word definition: Magical
Cleanliness of the city: Disney World
Quality of Girls: 7 out of 10 — It is difficult to gauge because all I know are American girls — and if that was the case I’d put them higher here. However, since I don’t have the luxury of another measure, I’ll put Czech girls in at 7 for now. This could go up as I get deeper into the Eastern bloc. I will not go down though — because on a ratio against American girls, they stack up considerably well (sorry American friends, its true).
Likeliness of Hooking Up: 5 out of 10 — I got lucky and batted technically a 1.000: three nights and three girls. However, if you went based on the day it was a 2-3 weekend plate appearance. And this was on a fashion weekend where the town was inundated with women. And it still took more than just saying “hi”. I found that not trying was a better approach here. I did absolutely nothing for the first get… and my final get was just talking about life in a bar that literally had both me and this chick in it for hours at a time. If you are looking to pay for sex, your likeliness level skyrockets. So does HPV.
Language Barrier Level: 7 out of 10 — this is a dicey one. I know a little bit of Czech and even I had difficulties with the language barrier. Czechs are really open people and they do welcome the international clientele but I did find that if the person you were speaking with wasn’t working at a hotel, apartment, restaurant or in the Old Town Square, you couldn’t understand them and they didn’t speak English. Most people do speak English, at least a little bit, but it certainly helps to be able to at least begin the conversation in Czech and then ask, in Czech, whether or not they speak English.
Receptiveness of Foreigners: 8 out of 10 — for the most part Czechs will be open to speaking with you. However, I wouldn’t recommend speaking only in English especially if it is your first introduction. You are no better than these people (and, in fact, since they are bi-lingual, they may even have a leg-up on you), so you should treat them with respect first. After all, America is everybody else’s younger sister or brother. And in the big picture of history, we’re about 3 years old. So don’t expect everybody to cater to us as Americans. Putting a little time in and learning about the locals goes a long, long way.
Cost-effectiveness: 10 out of 10 — this surprised me more than anything. I wanted to slow play my budget (brought $3300 with me for 31 days). I only exchanged $100 at the Prague airport because I wanted to be assured that I could get a taxi to my apartment. Exchange places within a city give you a much better rate than the airports and train stations — so I just wanted to make sure I had enough to get to Praha 1 and then, based on what I had remaining, I would go exchange as needed. I got 1,550 Czech Koruna for $100 (or roughly 15.5 for every dollar) The taxi cost me 700 CZK. So for three nights I had 850 CZK remaining. I ate three meals a day (two small ones a hearty dinner) and washed it down with beer. I left for Budapest with 15 left. Now I will be going back to the Czech Republic so it’ll be factored in. But spending less than $100 for three nights in any city in America just isn’t happening. And if I took the bus option (which I found out about later) — my fare from the Airport to Praha 1 would have been 48 CZK to Metro A and the ticket would be validated for further metro runs. So without having to pay extra I would have taken it to the closest place to your accommodations. However, 1. I didn’t know that, 2. it was dark and well 3. I didn’t want to be a statistic, so I paid up and went the taxi route door to door.
Safety and security: 9 out of 10 — I didn’t have a problem at all. Streets (even side streets) are lit very well (which adds to the beautiful charm of this place. Pickpocketing is an issue but if you are smart and cunning you will never be taken. I wore clothing with multiple pockets — kept money in only two places, had room key in my shoe, never brought credit cards and had my hands in my pants pockets. My recommendation is to have a wallet on you — but without anything in it. Should a pickpocketer come at you — and successfully grab — they are stealing a crappy wallet with nothing in it. Just buy another one. I saw one job go down, so it does happen — but if you are smart you won’t have any problems.
How the Girls Are: 8 out of 10 — My take on the girls is slightly skewed because I was here during an International event (Prague Fashion Week). For me it probably was an experience that doesn’t happen on a regular weekend in September in Prague. But that isn’t to say that girls aren’t in abundance. It is the Czech Republic for fuck’s sake. They redshirt Victoria’s Secret and international supermodels. But the normal run-at-the-mill local girl isn’t too shabby either. The bodies here are exceptionally thin and have curves in all of the right places. It is because they only had one McDonald’s and one KFC that I saw. So they aren’t fast food bingeing like American girls tend to do — especially in college.
Czech girls can drink you under the table too — which is pretty hot. However, many of the “better looking” girls are professionals. In tourist traps like the Charles Bridge and Old Town Square, they are pretty easy to pick out. They offer “Girlfriend Experience” which is basically the march of the penguins for sex.
Best Chances of Meeting Girls: 7 out of 10 — Prague is so international that finding Czech girls is often a hard thing to do. You’ll find British girls… Russian, Slovak, Chinese, Ukrainian, German, Austrian, American… but finding Czech is harder than it sounds. The best way I found was to meet during the daytime at cafes, bars and near university buildings. Girls that are working are the local Czechs. And that isn’t to be confused with the “working girls” near Charles Bridge.
Accommodations: 9 out of 10 — Apartment was huge value for the money. Big, spacious and right around everything. And the shower stall definitely was big enough for 4 people doing scene.
Beer: 10 out of 10 — It is a beautiful thing when suddenly the best beer on the planet is no longer a $6-15 dollar import. I sampled a different beer at every plating — even breakfast. It’s as common as orange juice or coffee would be for Americans. And it’s super cheap. 35 CZK ($2.25) or less in most places. I didn’t even pay after my first beer Friday night at Al Capone’s bar (aside from tipping the girl, obviously). And its not crappy American beer, its the good stuff: Pilsner Urquell, Czechvar and Rebel. But I found two of my new favorite beers in the Czech Republic — and I’ll probably never get them anywhere else again — Pivovarsky Dvur and Berounsky Medved. If you ever get the chance to down these amazing brews, pay whatever you need to pay. They piss all over anything I’ve ever had, including Guinness, which is my favorite beer. I had Medved at Al Capone Cocktail Bar. It isn’t on the menu, but when you are chatting up the tender, she gets you “her favorite.” The Dvur is only available at a microbrewery about 12 miles or so away from Prague. I made that excursion with Capone girl during the day on Sunday for lunch. She said that it is the “best beer in Czech Republic” and that if I want to have a true beer, that was where I had to go to. So she drove me and, yeah, it’s amazing. I had three of them and some sausage. I was feeling no pain.
Getting Your ‘Merica, Fuck Yeah! On — You can still have your America alive and well in Prague, it just takes a bit of research. I found Drunken Monkey to be a place that is good for getting the College Football and NFL games. Hooters is also available — and although I didn’t get there… it looks like it has top-shelf things to look at. Hooters is the savior of any American. Because if you can find Hooters, regardless of where you are in the world, you know that you are getting at least some sporting venture going on. And Prague’s is hooked into the NFL — so naturally it is a place to go to on the weekend.
Pros — Basically everything.
If you can’t have a good time in Prague, I’m just going to finally tell you what all of your friends have thought for as long as you have been alive: you are fucking boring ass individual that is only in their circle of friends so that when you leave, they can be entertained by how much of a fucking loser douchebag you really are and how lame your existence is. You make them feel better about their own existence.
Cons — The smoking is a huge issue. This might be a non-issue to you (if you are a smoker or it doesn’t bother you) but it seriously kills me.
My Prague Experience
As I have done my research prior to venturing to Prague, I basically knew exactly what I was getting into. Prague has so much win associated with it that it can tame even the most cynical of people. If you are history buff — you’re covered. Architectural buff — covered. Romantic? Foodie? Thrill seeker? Or just looking to get laid? Covered, covered, covered and covered.
Now I’m not one really for the party scene. I don’t do drugs and trance music is fine for about a hour before I can feel my heartbeat in my pinky toe. I did see a huge club that young people where cramming into each night but I stayed away. If I was among friends I would have gone in, but when you are alone in that environment, it just isn’t a good thing. I did check out the Drunken Monkey on Sunday and would definitely say that if you need to be entertained by American football, that is probably the place to go. I went there before seeing Al Capone’s gal one last time.
Plus I hooked up with an international supermodel from Czech Republic and her New York City friend that was my link to the first-team roster. Don’t expect this to happen — but if it does just roll with it. Any missteps here could potentially ruin your entire trip.
But the truth is that I could have had my hand with any number of girls that are local to Prague. The girls tending bar and the thousands of various bars in the town itself are very nice and open to meeting. Truth is, as you start to move away from the tourist traps, the bars are very quaint and not usually busy. I had a bar literally right around the corner from my apartment called Al Capone’s and the girl working in there lived in the apartment directly above me full-time. I went there on the first night and met her — and she actually closed the bar early on my last night there because I was leaving in the morning. She was a lecturer at Charles University by day and a bartender at night — so she spoke English and was only 34 years old and single. Jet black hair and put together well. So in three nights in Prague I took home three different girls and had my fair share of fun.
I would recommend Prague to absolutely anybody. It is just one of those places that you can’t really describe even through seeing pictures. It’s the vibe of the city, the warmth of the city and the downright romantic charm of the city. Couples would love it here too. Old, young, it just a great place. A place to fall in love at and to fall in love with. I would return in a heartbeat — only this time I’m going with more people that I know. I’m willing to bet it’d be a completely different, yet still incredible visit.
I’d even live there. And that is saying a lot.