Pipelining

It’s low, it’s dirty, it’s tricky… (to rock a rhyme to rock a rhyme that’s right on time).

So I’ve learned a new skill: the art of pipelining. You see, I’ve been told by many that frequent my social media outlets that I’m pretty much the champion of them. And this is true. I’m crude, crass, sophomoric, rude, gross, witty, stubborn and downright hilarious. I’m also memorable. I associate everyday things with “disgusting” acts of shoddy moral code, bodily functions, and, well, life as we all know it, all too well.

But the truth is, I just call it like I see it and there is a veil of truth lining every idiosyncratic or vile thing that comes out of my IP address. Because, I am observant, and I can twist everything into three categories: 1. sex, 2. blatant sexism and/or racism and 3. awesome.

Awesome is kind of a hodgepodge multi-faceted part of my online experience. I make your life exceptional. I make you funnier by osmosis. It is my existence.

So today I’m bringing you a rare feat: all three categories in one session. And the session is pipelining.

I think we have all been involved with the concept of pipelining, we just never knew that it’d had an actual term. From the AOL chat rooms to the MySpace accounts, and now on the Facebook, Twitter and beyond, we’ve used all of these services — at one time or another — in an attempt to get laid. Basically, we’ve become an antisocial sex-seeking computer existence.

…which is fine when you have talented online game. But if you play World of Warcraft and think that Lord of the Rings is real, you’re in for some serious trouble.

But pipelining was developed exclusively for people like me. I’m basically an open book. I’ll talk about anything. Nothing is ever truly sacred with me. I’m an enigma, wrapped in a conundrum, doused in intrigue, and boiled in a stew of seriously-who-the-fuck-is-this-guy? And truth is, I’m a visionary. I march to the beat of my own drum and turn what people consider to be normal on its head. I like that. Makes me “interesting”.

So yes, pipelining. What is it? I can assure you that the pipeline being discussed here is not the main definition. No I’m talking about Urban Dictionary’s #2 definition.

Can you repeat the word? Pipelining
Can you tell me the language of origin? English
Can I have the definition, please? A steady source of sex partners. Usually diverse in geography, it’s made up of people willing to have sex with no emotional ties. Works best when they don’t know each other.
Are there any alternate pronunciations? No
Is there a root of the word? Yes, pipeline

Can you use it in a sentence? Is that one of his fuck buddies? Oh yea, he has so many women in the chute most of time his phone rings its a pipelining booty call. 

Can you use it in a sentence that speaks to the root of the word? Did he fuck her? No, she wasn’t ready. So he put her in the Pipeline. (ie. He “pipelined” her)

Pipelining… pipelining… pipelining… P-I-P-E-L-I-N-I-N-G

*ding*

So there are apparently rules and suggestions on how to work the online game of pipelining… but I think that there are Five Commandments associated with Pipelining. I could make it Ten like the more well-known version but that’d take too long and you can condense several into one anyway.

The Ten Five Commandments of Pipelining

1. You should find endless amounts of pick-up sites on the Internet of the country that you are visiting and create profiles on those sites. I used this to make my pipeline. As you can see, this practice is apparently common.

2. You should create a profile of high value, along with a sex inquiry message template that makes you appear honest, relaxed, assertive and interested. It helps to actually be the person in your pictures. It also helps to be funny, however, funny in another language is a tricky step. [And if “being honest” means that you are lying to appear like you are of higher value, you better remember the story that you tell, and it better be ironclad. Mother Russia never forgets.]

3. You should choose targets by city, body type, relationship status, ethnicity, age, mood about fellatio, etc… and then send out the bang requests only to the chosen elite.

4. Should they reply, you are now all but assured that they are at least intrigued so get them to a more comfortable social medium — like Facebook.

5. Once you have the prey on level ground, work online game to close in on details for “hanging out” (AKA – get laid). Facebook is the best play here, but getting the girls number is also advantageous.

And there you have it, the pipeline. I’m employing the pipeline right now because I’m leaving for Europe in 1o days. I have an account on http://www.Mamba.ru because, well, I am. I’ll let you know how it goes but judging by the response rate so far, I have Plan B’s and C’s if nothing else comes about.

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